klump55
07-06-2002, 18:17
Write your made up horror/war stories here...
Ofcause, this one is all tongue in cheek, so please don't take offence if you're mentioned!
No.1
The Day of The James_Bro
It was pitch black in a still land. Mountains looked on casually aross the lonesome forest. No one came here.
No one except one man...
... he lived alone, in harmony with nature in this desolate paradise... his name, Dmitry.
It was all Dmitry had ever wanted. A Mountainside shaq was his only requirement needed in this free and open place... he fed at the breast of nature and sometimes even returned the favour (oo-er :D).
All this was about to be suddenly and violently shattered.
In a literal quake, the ground jolted sharply. Dmitry sat bolt upright in bed. What on earth was it, he wondered (in Lithuanian).
The mountains let loose clouds of snow in disgust as nature was again disturbed by an almight shaking. Then, in the far off distance, lines of dots appeared in mass. Like ants, the dots were indeed miniscule, but they were coming staright for Dmitry.
The shaking became more regular... almost like marching, and Dmitry watched on, horrified, as the ants began to take shape....
... they were...
... The Facists...
Back in London a, frankly rather robust, man paced around a study impatiently. He was obviously upset about something.
A woman's voice echoed through him...
"Bitchslap, dear, do sit down, at this rate you'll be giving yourself a heart attack." The woman had her fingers crossed as she said it.
The man turned to her and hesitated, before sitting down on the nearest seat. He was Bitchslap, famed political leader and Director of the FSO- The Freedom of Speech Organisation.
Bitchslap was notoriously left wing, and was also a notoriously liberal eater, the five meals a day, every day, accounting for his grotesque weight.
After pausing for a quick puff on a cigar, he looked slowly and deliberatley around the room. Before him sat Ikkebra, a sort of modern equivalent to "Q" from the Bond films. As gadgets experts go, he was the best in his proffesion. He was also head of surveilance in a government project codenamed "Gotaweb."
Next to Ikkebra sat Delta, a femme fatale and supposed lover of Bitchslap. She was a bitch, pure and simple, and they made a great couple.
Incidently, there were vicous rumours being circulated that she was infact a sheep in disguise, but they remained unconfirmed...
And finally, infront of Bitchslap sat James_Bro. He was head of a an illegal gambling circuit at Klump's Bar (http://klump55.gotaweb.com/forums/), but he was also a retired hitman. The FSO knew about James_Bro's illegal activities, and they threatened to make their knowledge public (to the police) unless James-Bro did One Last Job TM for them. He had no choice but to oblige.
Bitchslap barked when he spoke.
"Okay, gentlemen..."
Delta gave her lover a sharp look. I was obvious who wore the trousers in this relationship.
"...er, I mean ladies and gentlemen... we have a problem. I've recieved word that that son of a bitch dictator X-Cal and his fascist army have just invaded Lithuania. We cannot, and will not, stand for it. It's a servere blow for freedom... and more to the point I hate that pussy X-Cal. He's a real pussy, man. Really. Period. FREEDOM OF SPEECH! He must die!"
Bitchslap cracked a semi-evil smile in delight.
"That is where you gentlemen come in." He looked over to Delta. "Delta, you get outa here you biatch or no lovin' later!" Delta got up out her seat and headed for the door, pretending to be hurt by her lover's harshness towards her, simultaniously plotting revenge in the form of a feminist movement.
Ofcause, it would never happen. While she was actually bald, she was a natural blonde, and as such she was thick as shit. :D
After her departure, Bitchslap the Director continued. "Gentlemen, we are going to assassinate X-Cal and his Head of BBA Paranormal Divison, Herman.
"James_Bro, you will infiltrate X-Cal's bunker, located in Dr.Evil's Secret Underground Lair (http://evilskins.rtcwfiles.com/) in Berlin. There you will kill him. Kill Herman, Dr.Evil, and X-Cal's personal bodyguard, DaveGOD, if you can too, alright chap? Good lad. They're all pussies anyway. FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!"
Ikkebra chipped in. "... :o Bitchslap, sir... where exactly do I fit into this plan of yours? :o"
"Well Ikkebra, you will provide James_Bro with the best gadgets we at the FSO have. Really. Period. No, really. You're all lame. James_Bro, you will leave on the next plane to Berlin.
"BUT..."
"No buts, James_Bro, you will assassinate X-Cal, and you will do it in the name of Freedom!"
The next day, and X-Cal was celebrating in the safety of Dr.Evil's Lair. The invasion of Lithuania was of great importance. Now, they could concentrate on trying to take over the world... and with Herman's help, soon the Uber Vegas would be ready.
A medieval prince, S-Vegas was the cruel ruler of Lithuania before being imprisoned in a magical underground cell by Ghostly Soljah, a wonderful medieval ghostly sorceror.
Hence the invasion of Lithuania. To free Vegas from his mountanous cell there, thus giving The Facists great power.
Despite rumours that Vegas Was Dead, X-Cal's men had found his resting place, and with Herman's paranormal knowledge soon he would be released.
James_Bro stepped off the plane in Berlin.
Subtley, he began to rent out hotel rooms in false names. His knowledge of the German language was already excellent (as was his Dutch, due to the fact his father had been the Holland five years previously on another job for the FSO) so he blended in perfectly.
He tapped phones with Ikkebra's gadgets, and used Gotaweb Surveilance to discover the exact location of Dr.Evil's Lair.
X-Cal was there for the taking.
Today would be a good day to die.
Today would be...
The Day of The James_Bro.
to be continued...
Ofcause, this one is all tongue in cheek, so please don't take offence if you're mentioned!
No.1
The Day of The James_Bro
It was pitch black in a still land. Mountains looked on casually aross the lonesome forest. No one came here.
No one except one man...
... he lived alone, in harmony with nature in this desolate paradise... his name, Dmitry.
It was all Dmitry had ever wanted. A Mountainside shaq was his only requirement needed in this free and open place... he fed at the breast of nature and sometimes even returned the favour (oo-er :D).
All this was about to be suddenly and violently shattered.
In a literal quake, the ground jolted sharply. Dmitry sat bolt upright in bed. What on earth was it, he wondered (in Lithuanian).
The mountains let loose clouds of snow in disgust as nature was again disturbed by an almight shaking. Then, in the far off distance, lines of dots appeared in mass. Like ants, the dots were indeed miniscule, but they were coming staright for Dmitry.
The shaking became more regular... almost like marching, and Dmitry watched on, horrified, as the ants began to take shape....
... they were...
... The Facists...
Back in London a, frankly rather robust, man paced around a study impatiently. He was obviously upset about something.
A woman's voice echoed through him...
"Bitchslap, dear, do sit down, at this rate you'll be giving yourself a heart attack." The woman had her fingers crossed as she said it.
The man turned to her and hesitated, before sitting down on the nearest seat. He was Bitchslap, famed political leader and Director of the FSO- The Freedom of Speech Organisation.
Bitchslap was notoriously left wing, and was also a notoriously liberal eater, the five meals a day, every day, accounting for his grotesque weight.
After pausing for a quick puff on a cigar, he looked slowly and deliberatley around the room. Before him sat Ikkebra, a sort of modern equivalent to "Q" from the Bond films. As gadgets experts go, he was the best in his proffesion. He was also head of surveilance in a government project codenamed "Gotaweb."
Next to Ikkebra sat Delta, a femme fatale and supposed lover of Bitchslap. She was a bitch, pure and simple, and they made a great couple.
Incidently, there were vicous rumours being circulated that she was infact a sheep in disguise, but they remained unconfirmed...
And finally, infront of Bitchslap sat James_Bro. He was head of a an illegal gambling circuit at Klump's Bar (http://klump55.gotaweb.com/forums/), but he was also a retired hitman. The FSO knew about James_Bro's illegal activities, and they threatened to make their knowledge public (to the police) unless James-Bro did One Last Job TM for them. He had no choice but to oblige.
Bitchslap barked when he spoke.
"Okay, gentlemen..."
Delta gave her lover a sharp look. I was obvious who wore the trousers in this relationship.
"...er, I mean ladies and gentlemen... we have a problem. I've recieved word that that son of a bitch dictator X-Cal and his fascist army have just invaded Lithuania. We cannot, and will not, stand for it. It's a servere blow for freedom... and more to the point I hate that pussy X-Cal. He's a real pussy, man. Really. Period. FREEDOM OF SPEECH! He must die!"
Bitchslap cracked a semi-evil smile in delight.
"That is where you gentlemen come in." He looked over to Delta. "Delta, you get outa here you biatch or no lovin' later!" Delta got up out her seat and headed for the door, pretending to be hurt by her lover's harshness towards her, simultaniously plotting revenge in the form of a feminist movement.
Ofcause, it would never happen. While she was actually bald, she was a natural blonde, and as such she was thick as shit. :D
After her departure, Bitchslap the Director continued. "Gentlemen, we are going to assassinate X-Cal and his Head of BBA Paranormal Divison, Herman.
"James_Bro, you will infiltrate X-Cal's bunker, located in Dr.Evil's Secret Underground Lair (http://evilskins.rtcwfiles.com/) in Berlin. There you will kill him. Kill Herman, Dr.Evil, and X-Cal's personal bodyguard, DaveGOD, if you can too, alright chap? Good lad. They're all pussies anyway. FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!"
Ikkebra chipped in. "... :o Bitchslap, sir... where exactly do I fit into this plan of yours? :o"
"Well Ikkebra, you will provide James_Bro with the best gadgets we at the FSO have. Really. Period. No, really. You're all lame. James_Bro, you will leave on the next plane to Berlin.
"BUT..."
"No buts, James_Bro, you will assassinate X-Cal, and you will do it in the name of Freedom!"
The next day, and X-Cal was celebrating in the safety of Dr.Evil's Lair. The invasion of Lithuania was of great importance. Now, they could concentrate on trying to take over the world... and with Herman's help, soon the Uber Vegas would be ready.
A medieval prince, S-Vegas was the cruel ruler of Lithuania before being imprisoned in a magical underground cell by Ghostly Soljah, a wonderful medieval ghostly sorceror.
Hence the invasion of Lithuania. To free Vegas from his mountanous cell there, thus giving The Facists great power.
Despite rumours that Vegas Was Dead, X-Cal's men had found his resting place, and with Herman's paranormal knowledge soon he would be released.
James_Bro stepped off the plane in Berlin.
Subtley, he began to rent out hotel rooms in false names. His knowledge of the German language was already excellent (as was his Dutch, due to the fact his father had been the Holland five years previously on another job for the FSO) so he blended in perfectly.
He tapped phones with Ikkebra's gadgets, and used Gotaweb Surveilance to discover the exact location of Dr.Evil's Lair.
X-Cal was there for the taking.
Today would be a good day to die.
Today would be...
The Day of The James_Bro.
to be continued...