100 Ways to Annoy Anyone

[-King Me-]

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

44. Honk and wave to strangers.

45. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

46. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

47. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

48. Wear your pants backwards.

49. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

50. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

51. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

52. only type in lowercase.

53. dont use any punctuation either

54. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

55. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

56. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

57. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

58. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

59. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.

60. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

61. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

62. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

63. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

64. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

65. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

66. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

67. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

68. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

69. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

70. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

71. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

72. Drive half a block.

73. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

74. Ask people what gender they are.

75. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

76. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

77. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

78. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

79. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

80. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

81. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

82. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

83. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if the slow down.

84. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

85. Wear a LOT of cologne.

86. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

87. Sing along at the opera.

88. Mow your lawn with scissors.

89. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

90. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

91. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

92. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

93. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

94. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

95. Never make eye contact.

96. Never break eye contact.

97. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

98. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

99. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

100. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

[Lapse]

LOL :P

[The Sadistic Skinhead]

this is Anarchy

[FMP]

101.list 100 drefrent ways to annoy anyone
102a.copy said list and change size to 29 and post it as maney times as you can get away with
102b.copy said list and change size to 29 post it and then quote your self over and over and over agen to create a HUGE quote pyrimed

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[Lapse]

101.list 100 drefrent ways to annoy anyone
102a.copy said list and change size to 29 and post it as maney times as you can get away with
102b.copy said list and change size to 29 post it and then quote your self over and over and over agen to create a HUGE quote pyrimed

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

LOL!!!!!!!!!

[Mary and katie go rawr]

i love those things...

[Pax Salam]

the 1235 trick.

Take 4 objects and label them 1, 2, 3, and 5. Then hide them in a place (like a library) and watch in hilarity as they try and find the object labeled 4.

[The Nefarious Exodus]

That was hilarious, but you forgot some stuff.

I saw a book in a store called 700 ways to annoy people

Here is some samples. I wish I could say they were mine, but they arn't.

-Push every button on the elevator.

-Wear your tie inside out.

-Find music nobody (and I mean NOBODY) else likes, then drive around town playing it at Highest possible volume (whilst wearing ear-plugs).

-Spend 7 years in the basement finding "the answer!"

-Every time you pick up the phone yell "WHAT THE (Insert your fowl whatchamacalem) DO YOU WANT THIS TIME!!!!"

-Page yourself over the intercom. Do NOT disguise your voice.

-Have your "man-slave" follow you everywhere, and demand to be called some high, grandous muckety-muck or whatever.

-Impersonate annoying movie characters at every possible moment.

-Protest against protesters.

-Join Green Peace.

-Join the Spanish Inquisition.

-Tell people how to be annoying.

-Never act your age (claim you were raised by some animals or something).

-Act as if you know everything about all possible subjects. If anyone doubt you, they are obviously a heretic and must be burned!!

-Never admit you are wrong.

-Always act paranoid, even in the company of good friends.

-Move into a perfectly respectable niehborhood and
a) Never mow your lawn.
b) Open a nightclub.
c) Open a Boarding house.
d) Set up a smog-belching factory.
e) Open an Insane Asylem or Health Spa (both create similar effect).
f) Start a punk band.
g) Take over the world.
h) Refer to your house as "the hood."

-Talk ganster/hip hop to black people (for best effect make sure you are white).

-Drive down the wrong way on a one way street.

-Get an offical seal for your documents.

-Grow a "Snidely Whiplash" moustache.

-Ask people if they still beat there relations (wife/husband or children, preferably)

-Play Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic (NO! I was just kidding! Don't do it! DON'T!).

-Get a portable recorder, and walk around town. Keep exciting, detailed reports of your average days, but be brief and boring reports when interesting or exciting things happen.

If you don't think any of these are funny, you are free to return to the under-areas of the slime-encrusted rocks from whence you came.

Have a nice day... :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[Lapse]

Go up and start talking to them like and old friend, and see if they play along... dont mention any specific events... just ay
"OOOH.... I remember you... your from my highschool.... what was yoiur name... ahhhh... now i remember...do nyou want to catch up... are you still with thet awesome guy you were dating?..." etc.

[Lapse]

-Play Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic (NO! I was just kidding! Don't do it! DON'T!).

NOOOWWW you tell me... i better go grab some bandaids....

[Mutant Dogs]

I know a few. :shock:

During an arguement with someone, keep repeating "No you are!"

Say things that rhyme with peoples names really loudly than act like you haven't done anything.

Whenever someone talks to you, count to five slowly before replying.

Straight out ignore people. Especially when they have something really important to say. (works best over msn) :P

[Colodia]

I got these in an email:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair
Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with
that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over
Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy,"

8. Dont Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go,"

[Japaica]

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

44. Honk and wave to strangers.

45. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

46. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

47. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

48. Wear your pants backwards.

49. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

50. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

51. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

52. only type in lowercase.

53. dont use any punctuation either

54. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

55. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

56. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

57. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

58. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

59. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.

60. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

61. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

62. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

63. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

64. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

65. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

66. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

67. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

68. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

69. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

70. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

71. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

72. Drive half a block.

73. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

74. Ask people what gender they are.

75. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

76. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

77. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

78. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

79. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

80. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

81. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

82. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

83. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if the slow down.

84. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

85. Wear a LOT of cologne.

86. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

87. Sing along at the opera.

88. Mow your lawn with scissors.

89. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

90. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

91. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

92. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

93. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

94. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

95. Never make eye contact.

96. Never break eye contact.

97. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

98. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

99. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

100. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Now this is annoying.

[Lunatic Goofballs]

Is it startling to anyone that I have actually done a couple of these things?

...sighs...


Okay... Thirty-seven of them. :P

[Petsburg]

*takes notes*