Why I should replace Katganistan as moderator.

Hammurab · 24-07-2008, 13:12

Katganistan is a long serving and loved moderator, her temperance and sound judgement widely esteemed by veterans and noobs alike.

But her time should be over, not because of what she is now, but because what she used to be. None of you know Katganistan like I do, and although we can't live in the past, we can never escape the things we've done.

It began in 1982, the chilling patina of an enduring Cold War casting its icy cloud over Eastern Europe. Kat and I were in Prague, at a small cafe, feigning a game of chess while deeper and deadlier sport was afoot.

Katganistan was recruited into Section K of the Swiss Guard while a young seminary student at an undisclosed Jesuit enclave. Although her willfulness and her vagina kept her from ordination, her tremendous aptitude could not be denied. She was marked early for Section K.

Although the Swiss Guard has the ostensible purpose of securing the bodily safety of the Pope and the grounds of the Vatican, it has a little known but widely feared subset of assassins whose sole purpose to safeguard the Unholy Grail, the cup that Judas drank from at the last supper. In the wrong hands, this artifact could inconvenience the entire world.

So anyway, yeah, Prague. We had tracked down the Grail, which had been stolen by a defrocked friar named Francis whose freakish fearsomeness was fucking fierce. For real.

Francis was meeting his buyer at the cafe, and Katganistan, using the cover name Ethyl Kuntzenrooster, was going to intercept him.

I will never forget the horror I saw that day.

Katganistan was trained in fifteen kinds of close combat martial arts, including Kyokushin, Krav Maga, Ju-Jitsu, Young Women's Christian Association Self-Defense and Cardio Workout Intermediate, and that thing that Patrick Swazye could do with three fingers in Roadhouse.

But her favored style...was Drunken Master Kung Fu. Seriously, people, I'm not kidding. You get some Heineken into that girl and she'll snatch your lungs out and cook them with carrots.

But that day...that day she'd had too much. That Prague beer is strong stuff. When Francis came through the door, Katganistan attempted the flying spinning double crotch thrust kick...and missed.

I wish that had been the limit of her mistake that day. But bar windows are mere glass, and she went right through...oh, she still struck a scrotum that day, to be sure. But it was the ballsack of a Prague Municipal Police Horse that was standing outside.

I wish, oh sweet merciful God I wish I could get that sound out of my memory. The horse recovered, eventually, but he was retired from duty, as was Katganistan. She at least left with the same number of testicles she came in with, which was zero, but still.

So, anyway, ask yourselves, nationstates, is this the woman you want judging your flames, deleting your spam, locking your threads?

Support Hammurab for nationstates moderator (even though such support is meaningless and has nothing to do with how moderators are chosen).

After all, no amount of fair moderation will undo the kicking of a police horse in the nuts.

Peepelonia · 24-07-2008, 13:16

Anybody who can kick a stallion square in the nuts deserves to be a moderator I say!

Lunatic Goofballs · 24-07-2008, 13:16

I knew there was a reason why my genitals cowered in fear whenever she was around.

NERVUN · 24-07-2008, 13:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hammurab

So, anyway, ask yourselves, nationstates, is this the woman you want judging your flames, deleting your spam, locking your threads?

Hell FUCK yeah!

Besides, I'm all for a fellow teacher holding the reigns of the Power of Mod.

Hammurab · 24-07-2008, 13:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunatic Goofballs

I knew there was a reason why my genitals cowered in fear whenever she was around.

Fear and love are very similar, speaking Biblically.

LG, your genitals are the antennae of the metaphysical, sort of like that building in Ghost Busters, except your wang will never have Sigourney Weaver on top of it...Rick Moranis, maybe.

Peepelonia · 24-07-2008, 13:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hammurab

Fear and love are very similar, speaking Biblically.

LG, your genitals are the antennae of the metaphysical, sort of like that building in Ghost Busters, except your wang will never have Sigourney Weaver on top of it...Rick Moranis, maybe.

Bwhahahaha! So you're into dogs then LG?

Lunatic Goofballs · 24-07-2008, 13:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hammurab

Fear and love are very similar, speaking Biblically.

LG, your genitals are the antennae of the metaphysical, sort of like that building in Ghost Busters, except your wang will never have Sigourney Weaver on top of it...Rick Moranis, maybe.

Yeah, that's what she thought too.

Hammurab · 24-07-2008, 13:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by NERVUN

Hell FUCK yeah!

Besides, I'm all for a fellow teacher holding the reigns of the Power of Mod.

You know why Katganistan is not allowed in Japan?

Because she killed Gichen Funakoshi in a bar in Chiba when he asked her for a light, and she had eleven Kirins in her, so she thought he was reaching for her tit, so she rabbit punched him in the forehead, and thus robbed Japan of a national treasure.

Yeah, she's a teacher alright. Taught his ass a lesson...

Lunatic Goofballs · 24-07-2008, 13:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peepelonia

Bwhahahaha! So you're into dogs then LG?

I was young and needed the work.

<.<

>.>

NERVUN · 24-07-2008, 13:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hammurab

You know why Katganistan is not allowed in Japan?

Because she killed Gichen Funakoshi in a bar in Chiba when he asked her for a light, and she had eleven Kirins in her, so she thought he was reaching for her tit, so she rabbit punched him in the forehead, and thus robbed Japan of a national treasure.

Yeah, she's a teacher alright. Taught his ass a lesson...

Any woman capable of managing to drink 11 Kirin and NOT be ill deserves the be a Mod in my book.

Peepelonia · 24-07-2008, 13:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunatic Goofballs

I was young and needed the work.

<.<

>.>

Bahwhahahah! Heheh yeah I umm errr I've *ahem* been there.

Neo Bretonnia · 24-07-2008, 13:33

That was a really great story

IL Ruffino · 24-07-2008, 13:37

Amazing.

Hammurab · 24-07-2008, 13:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunatic Goofballs

I was young and needed the work.

<.<

>.>

You might as well get that tatooed on your lily white ass cheeks, clown, so when people see the pictures, they'll already know your excuse.

Lunatic Goofballs. Manwhore. Deity. Clown.

Coming in August of 2008, starring Matt Damon, Minnie Driver, and Christopher Walken as Clown College Dean of Discipline Walcock....

Ashmoria · 24-07-2008, 14:23

after those stories you think that anyone here has the balls to suggest that you are RIGHT?

i know *I* dont.

24-07-2008, 13:12	#1
Hammurab Post Demon Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,777	Why I should replace Katganistan as moderator. ADVERTISEMENT: Katganistan is a long serving and loved moderator, her temperance and sound judgement widely esteemed by veterans and noobs alike. But her time should be over, not because of what she is now, but because what she used to be. None of you know Katganistan like I do, and although we can't live in the past, we can never escape the things we've done. It began in 1982, the chilling patina of an enduring Cold War casting its icy cloud over Eastern Europe. Kat and I were in Prague, at a small cafe, feigning a game of chess while deeper and deadlier sport was afoot. Katganistan was recruited into Section K of the Swiss Guard while a young seminary student at an undisclosed Jesuit enclave. Although her willfulness and her vagina kept her from ordination, her tremendous aptitude could not be denied. She was marked early for Section K. Although the Swiss Guard has the ostensible purpose of securing the bodily safety of the Pope and the grounds of the Vatican, it has a little known but widely feared subset of assassins whose sole purpose to safeguard the Unholy Grail, the cup that Judas drank from at the last supper. In the wrong hands, this artifact could inconvenience the entire world. So anyway, yeah, Prague. We had tracked down the Grail, which had been stolen by a defrocked friar named Francis whose freakish fearsomeness was fucking fierce. For real. Francis was meeting his buyer at the cafe, and Katganistan, using the cover name Ethyl Kuntzenrooster, was going to intercept him. I will never forget the horror I saw that day. Katganistan was trained in fifteen kinds of close combat martial arts, including Kyokushin, Krav Maga, Ju-Jitsu, Young Women's Christian Association Self-Defense and Cardio Workout Intermediate, and that thing that Patrick Swazye could do with three fingers in Roadhouse. But her favored style...was Drunken Master Kung Fu. Seriously, people, I'm not kidding. You get some Heineken into that girl and she'll snatch your lungs out and cook them with carrots. But that day...that day she'd had too much. That Prague beer is strong stuff. When Francis came through the door, Katganistan attempted the flying spinning double crotch thrust kick...and missed. I wish that had been the limit of her mistake that day. But bar windows are mere glass, and she went right through...oh, she still struck a scrotum that day, to be sure. But it was the ballsack of a Prague Municipal Police Horse that was standing outside. I wish, oh sweet merciful God I wish I could get that sound out of my memory. The horse recovered, eventually, but he was retired from duty, as was Katganistan. She at least left with the same number of testicles she came in with, which was zero, but still. So, anyway, ask yourselves, nationstates, is this the woman you want judging your flames, deleting your spam, locking your threads? Support Hammurab for nationstates moderator (even though such support is meaningless and has nothing to do with how moderators are chosen). After all, no amount of fair moderation will undo the kicking of a police horse in the nuts. __________________ Nicea Sancta --If a company wants to not hire a person because he is black, gay, unwilling to have sex with the CEO, left-handed, club-footed, cross-eyed or blonde haired, that is nobody else's business. Discrimination has no victims and no harm is done. -- Any "support" to the troops which does not include supporting their mission is an empty gesture at best and hypocritical at worst.

24-07-2008, 13:16	#3
Lunatic Goofballs God of Mischief Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The edge of insanity. No. The other edge. Posts: 30,724	I knew there was a reason why my genitals cowered in fear whenever she was around. __________________ Comfort the Disturbed. Disturb the Comfortable. God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier. "Some are born clowns. Some achieve clownness. And some have clownness thrust upon them." -Katganistan

24-07-2008, 13:33	#12
Neo Bretonnia At One With The Keyboard Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 6,320	That was a really great story __________________ The truth is out there and that truth is...There is no conspiracy it is just plain old stupidity, poor insight, planning, bad luck etc.-Truly Blessed Someone cannot truly have belief without questioning. If you keep people from questioning, you are asking them to have faith in you, not in God.-Dempublicents1

24-07-2008, 13:37	#13
IL Ruffino Infraction Collector Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Chestnut Hill, Philly Posts: 19,390	Amazing. __________________ "Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence." - Ashleigh Brilliant ___P H O T O G R A P H Y___ UMP - SSA

24-07-2008, 14:23	#15
Ashmoria knows stuff Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: FEMALE Posts: 26,958	after those stories you think that anyone here has the balls to suggest that you are RIGHT? i know I dont. __________________ i dont need no steenking signature

24-07-2008, 13:16	#2
Peepelonia Needs to get out more Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 11,272	Anybody who can kick a stallion square in the nuts deserves to be a moderator I say!

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